top of page
Search
Alexandra Wiseman

Don't hold back.

I have come to peace with my body in this way, it’s unique and it can do so so many things.



I have told myself my scoliosis is “no big deal” for most of my life. When I was 16 years old, I went for a massage where the masseuse said to me, “oh you didn’t mention you have scoliosis”. I had no idea what that was. She started to describe the rounding she could see on my back when I was laying there face down. My stomach sank.


At the time I was competing in high school volleyball, track and field, fast pitch and slow pitch, as well as travel fast pitch… and I never held anything back when it came to effort. I found out about my scoliosis “too late” for any bracing intervention so I spent the next few years between physio, massage, chiro. My parents and I would drive two hours up the 401 to an orthopaedic surgeon who was monitoring my curve and determining if I was a candidate for surgery - which terrified me.


I never wore a tight shirt. Ever. I wanted to hide my curve from any and everyone. Anytime I was in a swimsuit my first question (laced with guarded humour) would be “Does this scoliosis make me look like Quasimodo?” I recall a rare occasion where I wore a semi fitted cotton shirt, and a friend said to me “Your back is disgusting.” Needless to say, that friendship ended shortly thereafter.

For years, I would experience a flare up every few months. The most simple and common movement would send my back into painful spasms leaving me debilitated. I would struggle to brush my hair, change my shirt, comfortably get in/out of bed, and drive. Nothing took the edge off, sitting and standing hurt, painkillers and muscle relaxers did nothing. I would lay down and try to be so still with tears steaming down my face.


I chose to get a tattoo of a gladiolus flower at the apex of my curve; the “weak spot”. I wanted to bring attention to a part of me that I’ve been trying to hide for the longest time. A reminder that we don’t have to hide, that we are stronger than we may realize.


Recently, I met a 12 year old girl and her mother attending one of my 2-day self-defence courses. The mother pulled me aside before we started and told me, with burden on her face, that her daughter had been diagnosed with scoliosis and she didn’t know how much she could participle. i told her what I tell all students, try each movement slow and steady, increase speed and intensity with an braced core - if it’s feeling alright to do so. Then I shared a fraction of my story above and the relief that washed over their faces. After our 2 days together her daughter (meek and mild mannered) told me she felt she could do anything because she saw that I could too.


I went for a follow-up a few years ago with the orthopaedic surgeon and was told - while I’m on the cusp for begin a surgical candidate (something I don’t want), I can take care of myself as long as I maintain strength training and nutrition. He indicated I have a high likelihood of spinal stenosis and arthritis in the spine which can be managed by keeping my spine strong and mobile. It’s been a few years since a debilitating flare up (knock on wood). This means listening to my body, stretching, proper form, quality over quantity or weight. It’s taken a lot of self talk as a competitive person. Shoutout to Workhorse Fitness Company for creating an environment that honours all of those things.


Thank you Suzie Woodward for doing this meaningful piece for me.


Nerdy specs: dorsal scoliotic curvature convex to the right with the apex at T8 and the curvature at a maximum of approx 36° with lumbar curvature convex to the left with the apex at approximately L2-L3 and the curvature at a maximum of approximately 20°. PS. I flipped the x-ray to view from the back.

16 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page